Saturday, June 16, 2012

Good to be back!

I have taken some time away from the blogosphere for the past 6 months.  I admit that I hope I was missed.... at least a little.  I certainly missed writing.  Here's the scoop.  I spilled a few drops of water on my computer keyboard.  bummer.  Took it to apple store and was told our laptop was "vintage".  There first time this term didn't make me feel hip in the least bit.  So, yadda, yadda, time, money...finally glad to be back tapping on the keyboard and reconnecting here.
I am writing from the mountains of Montana.  We have been blessed to have some awesome friends, who run an awesome theater company, in an astoundingly beautiful part of the country.  This is our third summer here. Last summer here was equally awesome, but ended with some sadness.  We were surprised to learn I was pregnant, but at about 8 weeks I had a miscarriage.  I am not gonna lie.  I was nervous to return here.  Scared that the reminder and grief would be overwhelming.
Last July when I returned home, a dear and generous friend gifted me with 2 months of unlimited yoga to work out my grief on the mat.  She doesn't realize she gifted me with so much more. Free yoga, of course is fabulous to a penny-pinching mom who doesn't make enough time for herself.  But she gave me permission to be sad, angry, and to take the time to "work it out".  I hadn't give myself that kind of permission.  Fast forward beyond 2 months, and I was still practicing yoga, still crying, considering pregnancy again, and began yoga teacher training.  Yep.  Who knew that such deep sadness would lead me to a realization of a new love of teaching yoga and helping others?  Was it suppose to happen this way?  Who knows? And frankly, I don't even care about all that.  I began a journey of even deeper self-study and that's what I care about.  As our luggage and dog-filled car trekked closer to Montana last week, I could feel my anxiety increasing.  I have been reading "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson and was reminded that my past, no matter how heartbreaking, does not have to decide my present.  This week has been filled with reconnecting with favorite people, spending just about every minute with Peanut, supporting talented Husband, inspiration from amazing theater, spying deer at dinner time, picnics, and many moments of gratitude. I have been buoyed by so much support this past year.  I literally felt loving hands holding me up when I felt I was sinking.  That's why I share all of this very personal stuff. I am giving you permission to work it out...what ever it might be.
It's good to be back.

2 comments:

  1. Welcome back, you have been so missed! Sending you a big hug, and thanking you for your brave writing. So Beautiful You Are... GOD BLESS BOO! xo

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  2. Thanks, James!
    Gob bless you too!!!

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