To Do List: Things to do for yourself

#1  Give your underwear an overhaul. I was getting ready for bed the other night, when I noticed and chuckled at the size of my bra as I was removing it.  This is the most comfortable bra I have ever owned and it's not because it was super expensive.  I am not even sure where or when it was purchased.  I think it feels so good to wear because I was fitted by a pro. The cup size sounds shockingly big to me because I am not someone they called "Jugs" in college. However, this is the size recommended to me.  Okay I'll just spit it out.  It's a 34D. Yes, a D cup!  "Take that!" I say to the girls in the 7th grade who put a contraption in my locker that was basically a Thighmaster for bigger boobs.  It was a cheap plastic pink thing shaped like two ovals with a strong spring in the middle that one would squeeze, I assume : / while chanting, "I must. I must. I must increase my bust." Whew!  That felt good to get off my chest. Back to the To Do List.  Women, go see a professional bra fitter.  You won't regret it and will probably be shocked at how many years you have been wearing the wrong size.  I was wearing a 32 or 34B.  Ouch. We all know that our bodies change as we age and breasts are no exception.  Gravity is just not kind to that area, so go get a little help. We can still look perky at any age and say good-bye to the extra rolls our bras give us by digging into our skin. Men, since you don't wear bras, please for heaven's sake, throw out the holey underwear.  I recently heard a quote where you can tell the state of the economy by looking in a man's underwear and sock drawer. So true, right? Well, if things are tight, waistbands included, then keep an eye out for a sale at Target and buy yourselves a different kind of six pack.

#2 Turn off the noise.  I was sitting in front of the TV after putting Peanut to bed and nothing was on. Husband was gone. I don't have DVR, so I couldn't just watch something I like to watch that I had taped.  Usually, my routine would be to watch a show and do the dishes and picking up during commercials.  But this particular night, I just turned it off.  I did the dishes in silence. Ahhh, silence. I had forgotten you. Normally, I might have otherwise chosen to listen to some tunes. I listened instead to the sound of the wind(I am in Oklahoma.  There's lots of it!) and the tip tap of my dogs toes on our wood floor.  I remained in silence for the rest of the night. And I actually was much more productive. I moved on to some hand-washables, a more strenuous cleaning of my stovetop, and sat down to read a book.  It soothed my soul more than a repeat of Oprah or a the "kuh-kuh" sound of Law and Order: SVU ever could.  I felt a bit decadent. Try it.

#3 See a therapist.  No, seriously.  This is the God's honest truth. I can think of no better way to spend your money than to see a professional who can reveal and help you change those patterns you might be doing over and over and over again.  It's just pretty simple in my book.  You won't regret this one for sure.  Seriously. The best gift you can give to yourself.

Three Little Words

The title of this post could be misleading.  While I believe that hearing the words "I Love You" and hearing them often is crucial, that' s not where I am heading today.  Some nights "Red Wine Now" could be the three most important words I say.  But I am not talking about soothing my stressful soul with an alcoholic libation either.  Here's the story...( of a lovely lady, just kidding)...
It's a Friday evening.  It's hot. 90 degrees. Our AC isn't working.  Husband has been working more hours than any person should. He is choreographing the musical at the university where he teaches, on top of his already crazy heavy load as a professor.  So his time at home has been limited.  Like only home for dinner for maybe 2 hours and then it's back to school. He couldn't be a more attentive father and husband. I adore this man.  One of the reasons I adore him is because he is so great at playing with our daughter.  She has a vast imagination and he happily pretends to be Gaston, Lefou, Ursula and King Triton all in one story.  Back to the Friday.  Did I say it was hot?  They were outside playing, in the middle of a very tense moment for Ariel, I assume.  I am preparing dinner, as much in the  microwave as possible so I don't raise the temp of our already sun baked kitchen. I asked Peanut if she would please feed the dog.  "No, I am playing with my dad." Ok.  I get it.  Choosing battles.  She has had a few meltdowns over missing him. To husband. "Could you please feed the dog?"  I get a little grumbling about spending time with Peanut, but he does in fact, feed the dog.  I stew for a moment. I have stewing down to an art some days. I begin to recall the plate from breakfast that gets left on the table as he rushes out the door .  I count every pair of shoes in the middle of the floor, just from where I am standing.  Okay, I admit, a couple are mine. Then I stop myself and resolve to speak up at dinner to say three very important and powerful little words.
Here goes : I need help.
I didn't raise my voice, shed a tear, or get all defensive and list all the many times I wasn't helped. I just made the statement.  They listened and said, "OK."  The rest of our dinner that followed was lovely.

This was a huge lesson for me.  There are so many things in life I can't control. I can't even control on what level Husband and Peanut will actually help, which has been superb, by the way.  However, I can control how I react.  I can control how I proceed when faced with something that could very easily piss tick me off.  (That's for my mom,  She hates the "p" word). I can either simply and undramatically state what  I need or I can brood over it for the next 5 hours and verbally attack Husband when he comes through the door late after a grueling rehearsal.  That's so not fun or pretty and really puts a damper on any possibility of either of us getting lucky later. Plus,  I am teaching Peanut by example how to ask for what you need without manipulation and I am including her in the tasks of being a family. It felt so good not to be the martyr.
I began to think about this lesson further beyond being a mom and/or wife.  How many times in my life have I needed to say these words to a friend, to a family member, a boss?  I need help.  My life is overwhelming. I need validation, etc. Just state it simply with no defenses. Not mull it over in my mind a million times and play a strong hand of guilt or slip so comfortably into my victim costume.  Let me confess that costume is worn out.
It's time to don our Wonder Woman costumes, do our best Lynda Carter spin and enlist the help of our fellow super heros.

Why I Loved Grey's Anatomy, The Musical

I realize I am a week late in this post, but Momma's been busy. I was a few days behind in watching Glee's Grey's Anatomy, but felt compelled to respond to some of the uproar. It is no surprise that I love most all things musical.  It's in my blood.  Here are the top three reasons I was thrilled they did it.
Number one reason, Sara Ramirez.  For those of you who don't know, she plays Callie Torres.  I have known of Sara since 1998. Husband worked with her back then in a regional theater production of Gershwin's Fascinating Rhythm.  He would later make his Broadway debut in this production with her. When I first heard her sing I was mesmerized. My heart literally ached a little when I heard her voice.  Not only that, she was such a great actress.  Funny, poignant, and smart.  So a few days before the episode, Husband shared with me her new EP that he had just purchased on itunes.  No shock that I loved it, but most especially her cover of "The Story".  What a superb song.  So when Sara/Callie sang it at the end of the episode I was beside myself, in a good way.  Finally the rest of the world would get to experience this amazingly talented woman.  Buy it on itunes.  You won't be disappointed.
I heard that when she was in Spamalot on Broadway, for which she won the TONY for Best Actress, that the ABC execs came to her and said she could pick any show she wanted to be in and she chose Grey's.  I don't know if that's even true, but I like to hear stories like that.  A ridiculously talented theater girl gets appreciated by big TV guys.  Thank God she didn't choose a short-lived sitcom that I cannot even remember the name of now.
The second reason I loved this episode is because if I were bleeding on the hood of a car and having an outer body experience, this is how it would be for me.  When I was dancing 7 days a week as a kid/young adult, I used to dream in pirouettes.  Like I'd be doing insane numbers of pirouettes in the style of Baryshnikov in White Knights.  (Still one of my fave movie scenes.)  My older adult life has been more about music, singing it, writing it, listening to it.  Sometimes I can express myself so much better in a song.  So I could totally relate to her hallucinations.
Thirdly, while I am a Glee watcher, I'd much rather watch this kind of story line over teens, and adults for that matter, with out of control hormones week after week.  I am all for promoting and supporting the love of music and dance. Plus, I like anything that pulls for the underdog.  But I  even more appreciate the use of the musical format for more adult and thoughtful storytelling.
I will say this....I did wonder if Patrick Dempsey and others said, "Hell no!  I will not sing."  Or did they have to audition for their solos like back in high school glee club?  That made me giggle a bit to think of Sandra Oh singing "I Enjoy being A Girl" and Shonda Rhimes abruptly stopping her mid-song with a dismissive "Thank You". I also felt like some the actors were clearly not used to acting while singing.  But I enjoyed it nonetheless. I loved that they took a risk and tried something new. Something we all should do now and then.

No More Excuses!!!

It amazes me how easy it is for me to talk myself out of what I want.  I'm not talking about a new pair of wedges ( I have a deep love for them) and a new dress, or even a cup of Starbucks. 

 I am talking about my 

DREAMS 

here.  

Yes, 

DREAMS!!! 

 As soon as I figure out what I want, my thoughts go straight to how it won't work, or won't happen, or how difficult it would be.  It's a horrible habit. I wonder how many others out there are like me in this way.  When I was younger, I wouldn't bat an eye at anything I'd want.  I'd hop on a plane to go to an audition.  I'd drive to unknown places to for a long shot chance at my dream.  But as I got older, I started focusing more on possible obstacles instead of possible victories.  I hate that.  I miss the younger me who'd just take a running leap into the vast unknown and embrace it while I am flying.  Nike's campaign of JUST DO IT speaks to me, because I find so many excuses not to.  

Just Do It.  

Don't calculate.  Don't make a positive and negative list. 

 Just Do It.  

My Dear, talented writer/actress/super-mom, Friend  suggested this book called "Begin With Yes".  It's a simple book that offers suggestions to get energy moving in your favor by taking action every day. Now, I have believed and studied the law of attraction for a few years now.  But there is something about that title that really speaks to me.  Like "Just Do It".   It has been lovingly brought to my attention by Husband that I usually begin with, "Ehhhhh.  I don't know.   It probably won't work because of x, y and z!".  What a horrible title that would make for a book.  Well, that could have been my biography.  

So these past few weeks I have caught myself with a mouthful of excuses.  I am glad to say that I am acquiring a distaste for them.  I am grateful that I have loving and supportive people in my life like Husband and Dear Friend who will guide me, advise me, and call me on my sh*t stuff.  Though, it is true, Husband has been kindly putting up helping me with this part of myself for years and I didn't really change until Dear Friend stepped in.  Instead I gave Husband excuses for why I was making excuses.  Yeah, I was that bad! 

Last week, I decided to attend an audition in Dallas.  Recently, I have not had positive experiences in this area of my dreams.  As was my modus operandi, I thought of all the ways I couldn't do the gig, be away from family, be near family, and juggle motherhood and career.  Then I stopped myself mid-negative rant and decided to begin with yes.  I went to the audition.  It proved to be a lovely, lovely, lovely experience that renewed my faith in theater folk and myself.  I don't think I will get a call from them this time.  But I do want to pursue future employment with them.  Most of all, I shall continue to begin with yes.  Dr. Wayne Dyer, an author ("Excuses Begone" and many other amazing books) and teacher I deeply respect says, "When you correct your mind, everything else falls into place." I will continue to correct where my thoughts are going and let the rest fall into place.