The Last Day

Today is the final day of my 30's.  I wonder if I should wear black to mourn this passing.  My life is not at all what I envisioned it would be on this day.  My 30's were really good to me.  Full.  Adventurous.  Dreams realized, fulfilled, and even crushed.  Travel. Good sessions of therapy.  So many laughs and tears with friends and cast mates.  Heartache.  Losing people I truly adored.  I grew up in my 30's.  Turning 40, I thought I'd still be in NYC, being one of those amazing women who juggle motherhood and an acting career. Or we'd have stayed in Nashville and I'd be writing hits for Reba and having dinner with Faith and Tim.  But alas, I live in Oklahoma City, a landlocked state that my home state of Texas  makes fun of (not that I ever cared about stuff like that).  I haven't been on a stage or sung outside of my shower in over a year.  The news sucks here. I never feel like I know what's going on in the world unless I watch CNN.  I work a 9 to 5 job that has me in front of a computer for most of those hours. My dress size is creeping closer and closer to a size that I am less than thrilled about. Yet, these are not the reasons, my life isn't what I imagined.  My life is better than I'd imagined.  What I take with me from my 30's, what I really only grasped this year, is that my circumstances do not determine my happiness. In the past, if this had been my life, I would've been depressed, sinking into the abyss of self-pity that I wallowed in for too many years. Waah, f-ing , waaah!!!  Yep!!  I mean that.  I have so much to be grateful for. I have a new job for a non-profit arts organization that is teaching me so much. I get to spend more time with my parents. I have a kid that keeps my laughing, but also makes me really think about my choices. I love watching her grow. I feel the love from my network of friends across the country almost daily.  Husband makes me feel like I am still 25, wink, wink.  So, I say, "Ta ta!" to my 30's.  Thank you. I raise a glass to you and welcome the wisdom, risks, new adventures and dreams realized, fulfilled, maybe even crushed that this next decade will bring.