Sunday, November 6, 2011

I Like Myself

A few weeks ago, My sweet little Peanut said something astounding to me that stopped me in my tracks.
"I LIKE MYSELF!"

I gave her a huge hug.  I was so proud.  Yes, of course, you do. You are an awesome kid.  I have contemplated this moment over and over again, not to pat myself on the back, but to think if I had ever believed much less exclaimed that statement in my life.  And with such exuberant confidence!  Just a few days later, I went back home very briefly for a funeral of a family friend. This trip took me back to see people I seriously had not laid eyes on in about 20 years or more.  I was nervous.  It felt different than going back to my 20 high school reunion.  There's time to prepare and transform yourself for the reunion.  Lose that 5 extra pounds, whiten your teeth, freshen highlights, etc.  This trip was unexpected.  I'd be going back to my church where I'd spent a lot of my time. I thought back to who I was back then and the people I might see.  I had negative feelings toward what might happen.  Then a nugget of wisdom from an unexpected source said to me, "It's not the people who are this issue.  You don't like who YOU were back then. That's the issue."  BINGO!!!!!  Back then, I was full of judgement. I was square.  I had no sense of cool whatsoever.  I wore bows in my hair.  Big ones.  That I made myself as a hobby.  And drop waist dresses, with sailor collars. Did I mention this was Texas?  You can imagine the size of my hair. I felt so disconnected from that girl.
Well, I arrived to the funeral and I saw so many familiar faces.  So many wonderful memories came flooding back to me.  I had numerous people in my life who loved, supported and cheered me on.  They guided me.  I left that day grateful and feeling very blessed.  And I realized how hard my adult self had been on my youth self.  I had forgotten about the goodness in my heart and the stubbornness that set me apart from others.  I had forgotten about my courage to follow a dream that no one else around me pursued.   I have let go of so much judgement and replaced it with compassion and understanding.  I learned about "But for the grace of God, there go I." I have become a grateful member of humanity and stopped seeing "them" and  "us" and now see "we".  And I can tell you it's because of who I was back then that I can honestly say now without question...
I LIKE MYSELF!!

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